I was going through a forum and read someone’s post about others judging him just because he’s single, and still a virgin at age 19. Honestly, the culture is so screwed up it’s making all these young people worry about things they shouldn’t have.Love comes naturally, so does sex. There’s the chemistry, the drive, and the feelings to it. If it’s not your time yet, it’s not. You can be jealous and all but hey, do you want a crap relationship or one that you can cherish, one that you can hold on dear to?

I got into two relationships before. The first one lasted for a month, because I was a lousy boyfriend. It was my fault really cos I didn’t bother keeping in touch and such. I was the a*sehole. The second one was just… let’s just say it was more of a fun thing.

And both the relationship was before I realised that I was gay.

For over 5 years, I was single and I had no sex. But hey, I’m still me! Whatever it is, afterall, in the end, you know, I’m still me. I guess all these self-doubts when you think about your weaknesses too much. You ought to think about things you are good at.

I’m super freakingly lazy but at the same time such a glutton. My brunch consists of a big plate of pasta, an apple (a day keeps the doc far away), one oily cheap donut I got from Woolies and a glass of orange juice. And to add on to that, I had a muesli bar and a chicken and vege pie at 3.00pm.

But I still weight 62kg at 172cm. I know, I’m short.

Oh oh oh, I just had to mention this cos it’s so important and simply lovely. I woke up at 6.00am this morning to the sound of rain! Can you imagine how excited I was? So I cuddled Mr Sleepy-Head even tighter. And he didn’t even budge – proof that he IS a sleepyhead.

Nothing beats being in bed with the man you love the most, on a cold day. The exchange of warmth through the skin is pure bliss. It’s like 12 degrees this morning, so I stayed in bed with Mr Sleepy-Head until 10.00 am. And we watched Step Up, and at 12.15 pm, I kicked him off bed to cook me lunch.

Don’t you just love beautiful day like this?

I wish everyday is as beautiful! Oh wells. G’night world.

Ok, I cannot really decided. There are too many. But at the moment, I think TR Knight is super incredibly cute. In person, AND his attitude!

I’d give up anything just to go on a date with him.

Well, not really. He has a cute boyfriend too!

Oh, Justin Chambers is cute too! I think he’s got this really cute look when he smiles.

Can you tell I’m a Grey’s Anatomy fan?

I guess its true. Nothing comes without a price.

I have dreams too. I have things that I want to do as well. I want to travel the world, I want to have a family, I want to have children, I want to. I want.

But I cannot possibly sacrifice everything I have for that. And I had the choices. Still have. But I guess, life is about the choices you make. I believe everyone has that situation as well.

And that’s why it’s important for you to know much are you willing to lose before you enter a war.

G’night world.

Or choices.

And you wish you could turn back time and change everything. But the truth remains. You can’t.

One of my best friends was sleeping with another guy, even though she has a boyfriend already. Yes, she made a horrible horrible mistake. And I made a horrible mistake for telling her off. Well, at least I’m being honest.

If you’re my best friend, you have my honesty. No hiding behind the bushes.

And now she’s worried that she might get a STI.

Good.

Humans are stupid. Naive and stupid.

When they’re in love, they lose all their senses and they become mentally challenged! Their brain doesn’t work. Their mind is gone.

Whatever!

The point is, we all know that having unprotective sex with a stranger, regardless of how good looking he is, or how sweet is his talking, is wrong. Because all those sweet talk, and the love and care that he shows you at that very sexual moment vanish into thin air after the sex! That, my friend, is the truth.

I’ve been thinking about that question as well, why do I start this blog?

Honestly, I start this blog so that I can be myself. So that I can spread my imagination and my life into places that I cannot be myself in real life.

I’m gay, and that’s that, but in real life, I can count the amount of people who know that I’m gay and I have a boyfriend with my fingers and toes add together, and I still have leftovers.

This blog serves as a reminder to me that life can be stretched, so as long as I allow it to, and here, I let my imagination run wild, and I let myself loose. I can write and rant about everything and anything, and people wouldn’t judge me.

Isn’t it amazing that people always try to put a face to words? I find that when I read blogs authored by ‘anonymous’ es, I often try to imagine how the person behind the blog looks likes, or what was he thinking, or doing when he wrote that entry. And it isn’t surprising if someone actually think that I’m this guy with a mustache and a beer belly as big as two watermelons combined. No, I’m not that, if you’re wondering.  :P

The sky is not the limit and I think that everyone should stretch themselves and not let their limits stop them from opportunities. Know that you can be who you are and who you want to be as well, and know that through hard work, and a tiny bit of luck, you can get what you want too.

Oh well.

G’night world.

I locked myself in the study’s and read through stories of suicide survivors – i.e. people who have lost someone they’re close to, or love, to suicide. And I cried, I weeped, and I bawled. I felt all these emotions flow came into my body through my lungs, and it fills every blood vessels in my body.  And all the emotions meet at my heart, which makes it shrivel and my heart ache like crap.

And then, that’s it. I’m done with my grief, pain, sorrow, whatever I was feeling. I open the door, and return to the arms of my angel and know that I am lucky to have him to love, to hug, to kiss, and to lean on to.

Emotions are beautiful when they are under control. But the sad thing is, sometimes, people let emotions take over them. And that’s when they do things that they’d never do in their rational mind.  And emotions are something I embrace. People expect me to be manly just because I act straight, but I believe that one has to be true to their own feelings.

Tears are not a sign of weakness, nor are they even a measurement of strength. They’re a sign, a sign that you are letting go – of whatever that is within you, all those feelings that desperately wants to come out… through the tears.

Love yourself.

And you’ll be able to love others, and most importantly…. be loved in return.

G’night, world.

And now I can’t sleep. I’ve been tossing and turning in bed with my brain spinning 20 rounds a second and my head feels like 20 kg weight. Ugh! Kill me.

Not wanting to wake Hugh up, I decided to talk to my blog, rather than continue to toss and turn in bed.

Ok, let’s talk about me. Who the hell am I?

I’m Marvis (of course it’s not a real name), I’m 26 this year, and I lost my parents when I was 19. I lived with my grandmother until 23 and decided to move out. People tell me that I’m a very reserved and quiet person. I don’t easily trust people, so I’d prefer to get to know you better before I feel comfortable telling you about myself. Some people call me a pessimist but I believe that I am just a believer that life is unfair. Life sucks, and that’s the truth, and whatever people say, at the end of the day, they don’t really care about you. It’s all part of life’s drama.

Hmm..

I’d better stop here.

G’night, world.

Like I actually care.

I am still pretty new to the office and I don’t see a need for me to join in the discussion even though I am part of their team. I am getting along pretty well with most of them, but the topic of God just isn’t something I’d love to talk about with people I don’t quite know.

Is there God in the first place?

It’s all rubbish – that God answers every prayer, that He has His reason for not granting you your wish. Rubbish.

If you want it, you work for it.

The truth is that, REALITY IS GOD.

Yeah yeah yeah, I’m a sinner and I’ll go to hell for not believing in God – I trust that many of you have heard more than I had in my past 26 years on Earth.

Let’s get this straight – are we living in our current life or for our after life? If after life is so important, why don’t we just die right when we’re born? Then we wouldn’t have sinned!

It’s rubbish.

Back to reality, work has been quite good but life is getting a tiny bit dull. Get up, shower, breakfast, kiss Hugh good bye, work, lunch, work, finish work, dinner with Hugh, occassionally we take a stroll around the city, otherwise, we catch a movie, (blog) sleep and the routine continues.

I need to get a life this weekend. It’s Amanda’s 21st! Definitely looking forward to that.

Good night, world.

I woke up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and raisin toasts. Hugh got up earlier than I did and it isn’t surprising. He’s the breakfast guy, that is, he makes breakfast, and I’m the eating guy, do I need to explain that?

A hug and a kiss, and I’m off to work. Honestly, 9 – 5 job kills me but I’m still going to give it an attempt, just in case I might like it.

Well, I did survive! Thank God.

After work, I met up with Hugh at Primo for dinner. It is his shout today to celebrate my first day at work.

We walked through Rundle Street and stopped by Chocolate Bean for some chocolate before heading home.

I have a weird habit of imagining myself getting hit by a car while crossing the road. What will be on my mind. Will I swear or will I just go blank? Will there be flashbacks like we see in movies?

This whole blogging business is all new to me, and I am already struggling about what to write. Perhaps, I’ll just keep this short and go to bed. Good night world.