010: Choices + Choices = Life
Ever since I started this blog, I’ve gotten a few emails, but only from two people so far. It’s nice and warm to receive a comment and an email every once in a while, and it’s surprising as well noting that I don’t go around reading others’ blog a lot, and I don’t know how people manage to find my blog either.
I was going through a forum and read someone’s post about others judging him just because he’s single, and still a virgin at age 19. Honestly, the culture is so screwed up it’s making all these young people worry about things they shouldn’t have.Love comes naturally, so does sex. There’s the chemistry, the drive, and the feelings to it. If it’s not your time yet, it’s not. You can be jealous and all but hey, do you want a crap relationship or one that you can cherish, one that you can hold on dear to?
I got into two relationships before. The first one lasted for a month, because I was a lousy boyfriend. It was my fault really cos I didn’t bother keeping in touch and such. I was the a*sehole. The second one was just… let’s just say it was more of a fun thing.
And both the relationship was before I realised that I was gay.
For over 5 years, I was single and I had no sex. But hey, I’m still me! Whatever it is, afterall, in the end, you know, I’m still me. I guess all these self-doubts when you think about your weaknesses too much. You ought to think about things you are good at.
007: Nothing comes without a price
Some wise man once told me, “you can have anything in life, if you can sacrifice everything for it.”
I guess its true. Nothing comes without a price.
I have dreams too. I have things that I want to do as well. I want to travel the world, I want to have a family, I want to have children, I want to. I want.
But I cannot possibly sacrifice everything I have for that. And I had the choices. Still have. But I guess, life is about the choices you make. I believe everyone has that situation as well.
And that’s why it’s important for you to know much are you willing to lose before you enter a war.
G’night world.
006: Sometimes…
Sometimes, in life, you make horrible horrible mistake.
Or choices.
And you wish you could turn back time and change everything. But the truth remains. You can’t.
One of my best friends was sleeping with another guy, even though she has a boyfriend already. Yes, she made a horrible horrible mistake. And I made a horrible mistake for telling her off. Well, at least I’m being honest.
If you’re my best friend, you have my honesty. No hiding behind the bushes.
And now she’s worried that she might get a STI.
Good.
Humans are stupid. Naive and stupid.
When they’re in love, they lose all their senses and they become mentally challenged! Their brain doesn’t work. Their mind is gone.
Whatever!
The point is, we all know that having unprotective sex with a stranger, regardless of how good looking he is, or how sweet is his talking, is wrong. Because all those sweet talk, and the love and care that he shows you at that very sexual moment vanish into thin air after the sex! That, my friend, is the truth.
005: Why do I blog?
Because I can.
I’ve been thinking about that question as well, why do I start this blog?
Honestly, I start this blog so that I can be myself. So that I can spread my imagination and my life into places that I cannot be myself in real life.
I’m gay, and that’s that, but in real life, I can count the amount of people who know that I’m gay and I have a boyfriend with my fingers and toes add together, and I still have leftovers.
This blog serves as a reminder to me that life can be stretched, so as long as I allow it to, and here, I let my imagination run wild, and I let myself loose. I can write and rant about everything and anything, and people wouldn’t judge me.
Isn’t it amazing that people always try to put a face to words? I find that when I read blogs authored by ‘anonymous’ es, I often try to imagine how the person behind the blog looks likes, or what was he thinking, or doing when he wrote that entry. And it isn’t surprising if someone actually think that I’m this guy with a mustache and a beer belly as big as two watermelons combined. No, I’m not that, if you’re wondering. :P
The sky is not the limit and I think that everyone should stretch themselves and not let their limits stop them from opportunities. Know that you can be who you are and who you want to be as well, and know that through hard work, and a tiny bit of luck, you can get what you want too.
Oh well.
G’night world.
004: Emotion drought
There are times when I have such a long period of happiness and positivities that I start to feel emotion-less. I love the ups and downs of life and I constantly look for the roller-coaster when they’re gone; although, sometimes, they do hit hard when I least expected it.
I locked myself in the study’s and read through stories of suicide survivors – i.e. people who have lost someone they’re close to, or love, to suicide. And I cried, I weeped, and I bawled. I felt all these emotions flow came into my body through my lungs, and it fills every blood vessels in my body. And all the emotions meet at my heart, which makes it shrivel and my heart ache like crap.
And then, that’s it. I’m done with my grief, pain, sorrow, whatever I was feeling. I open the door, and return to the arms of my angel and know that I am lucky to have him to love, to hug, to kiss, and to lean on to.
Emotions are beautiful when they are under control. But the sad thing is, sometimes, people let emotions take over them. And that’s when they do things that they’d never do in their rational mind. And emotions are something I embrace. People expect me to be manly just because I act straight, but I believe that one has to be true to their own feelings.
Tears are not a sign of weakness, nor are they even a measurement of strength. They’re a sign, a sign that you are letting go – of whatever that is within you, all those feelings that desperately wants to come out… through the tears.
Love yourself.
And you’ll be able to love others, and most importantly…. be loved in return.
G’night, world.
